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| Carma & Virgil 1945 |
After the first night that I slept at my house, I woke up a
little cold, so I knew I needed to put another blanket on my bed. I smiled, knowing which one would be
perfect.
Several
years ago, my grandma made me a quilt.
She made one for each of her grandchildren, and we put our quilts in a
plastic case, so we could use them after we moved out of our parents’
home.
I lived
next to Grandma for 23 years. My parents
built a house next to Grandma’s in 1991 after Grandpa passed away of a heart
attack. When I was a little girl, I
would walk into Grandma’s house. And if
I didn’t see her in the kitchen or sitting in her rocking chair in the living
room, I knew she was upstairs working on a quilt. I’d walk up the stairs of that 100-year-old
farmhouse and open the door to the back bedroom. Grandma had the quilt laid out on the wooden quilt
rack. I’d ask her who this one was for,
and then we’d talk about the colors on the quilt.
So the
second night I slept at my house, I grabbed the quilt Grandma made me and
spread it out over my bed. Now my bed is
just right.
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| The quilt Granny made me! |
My
grandma’s name is Carma. She is my dad’s mother. She was born in her parents’ house in Kentucky
in 1927. She was named Carma because her dad had a little sister named Carma
who died years ago, and he wanted to name his daughter after his little sister.
Carma’s parents were especially
thankful that she was a healthy baby because before she was born, they had a
baby boy named Leiland Richard who had died.
Grandma told me, “Mommy just got up one morning and found him dead. He was only 2 or 3 months old.”
Carma’s dad
was 6’4” tall. He had to grow up fast
because his father died young. Because
he grew up without his dad, he learned to do things a lot younger than
others. He was often solemn and quiet
because he was used to shouldering so much responsibility. But Grandma remembers that one time he told
little JR (Grandma’s youngest son) a funny story. Grandma said, “He told JR how he had gone to
work in the coalmines when he was 15 years old.
They had carts that they hauled coal with, and they wore lights on their
heads. One time he was walking with the
old mule that was hauling the cart, and his light went out. It was as dark as could be, so he held onto
the mule’s tail until it walked out on the other side of the mountain. When he
told JR this story, JR listened with his face in his hands, taking in every
word.”
Carma and
her brother Otis and sisters Odlean, Ruby, Hazel, and Ada grew up in the holler
in southeastern Kentucky. Carma was born
just as the Great Depression was beginning.
But from Grandma’s stories of life in the hills of Kentucky, I think of
the song lyric,
“Somebody told us Wall Street fell,
but we were so poor that we couldn’t tell.”[1]
They had
chickens, cows, mules, cats, and dogs. Grandma
told me, “Daddy had a couple of mules to plow the grounds with. They might have
had tractors some places then, but we didn’t have one.” Her dad also used to cut posts and ties and
sell them to people who wanted to set up fences with them.
Carma’s mom
was funny—always jolly and talking and laughing. Grandma told me, “Mommy was a good cook; she
was pretty good at anything she started at.
She could make a good meal even if she didn’t have much. My favorite was stack cake, but anything she
made was always good.”
Carma’s
older sister Odlean got married in 1940.
Carma’s youngest sister Ada was just 6 years old and crawled under the
table and cried because she didn’t want Odlean to leave. (I can understand the feeling. I was 13 when my first sister got married,
and I cried through most of the ceremony as I stood up as her bridesmaid.)
Grandma
remembers, “Mommy had a brother killed in WWI. Uncle Jim died in France from
poison gas. She had 3 brothers who served in WWII. Uncle John got hurt, but not much.”
My
grandparents, Carma and Virgil got married on June 20, 1945. Because WWII was going on, the wedding wasn’t
a big thing. Virgil and Carma got
married at the preacher’s house. Carma’s
sister Ruby was the only one who came with her for the wedding.
I asked
Grandma what her wedding dress looked like.
She told me, “I can’t remember what dress I wore. It wasn’t white—you just wore one you already
had. No brides that I saw wore white
dresses.”
Carma and
Virgil met at church and had known each other a few years. Then after only a month or 2 after they
started going together, Virgil got a ring and proposed to her. Carma remembers that “Virg” was always lovey
dovey. Through the years, Virgil always
remembered their anniversaries. He’d say to Carma, “What were you doing this
time today years ago?” J
When they
got married, Virgil and Carma moved to Ohio for Virgil’s job at a steel mill. Carma liked living in the double house
there. Virgil’s brother Jack lived
downstairs, and they lived upstairs.
Because
Grandma is such a good cook now, my brother and I asked her how her cooking was
as a young bride. She told us, “I wasn’t
a good cook right away. I taught myself
how to cook. When we were first married,
some of it wasn’t too good. Mommy taught
me some.” Grandma chuckled, “One time
Mommy told me to ring some apples. I cut
them in rings, but that wasn’t what she meant.
She wanted me to take off the skin.”
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| Carma |
Virgil’s
job in Ohio started going down after 4 months, so they moved back to Kentucky. Grandma told me, “After Ohio, your Grandpap
bought a little old farm close to his parents.
It was a small house—someone had just built it. Virgil bought it because it was on the ground
his sister and brother-in-law owned. It
had one bedroom and an outside toilet.
There was no shower, so we took a bath in tub. We got water from a well. I’d go up there in
the evening and get water; it was really good and cold. We didn’t have electricity.”
I asked if
they had a fireplace since there was no furnace.
Grandma
replied, “No fireplace, but the stove kept you pretty warm.”
Grandma
said, “I was 19 when I had Allen. I had
a midwife who came to our house. Virgil and his mom were there too.” Because Grandma always gets excited when one
of my sisters or cousins has a baby boy, I asked her if she was happy her
firstborn was a boy. She said, “Yeah, I was happy it was a boy. I always wanted 3 boys and 3 girls.” She got her wish plus one: Allen, Beth, Barbara, Stanley, Doris, Hubert,
and Virgil Jr. (JR).
Virgil and
Carma always lived in the country.
Grandma told me, “Sometimes I thought I would have liked to live in
town—where the kids couldn’t track in the sand and the dirt, where I could sweep
the sidewalks, but I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to with the kids because
there were so many of them.” I smiled when she told me that because Grandma
likes to keep her house so impeccably clean. She vacuums and dusts and washes
windows even when the house seems perfectly clean to me. Often we’ll look out the window and see
Grandma sweeping off her driveway with her broom.
When they
lived in Kentucky, they didn’t have indoor plumbing and certainly not a
television, but they had a radio that they’d sit around and listen to. Grandma said, “In the summertime, we’d sit on
the front porch after supper. Those were
some of the happiest times of our lives.”
Then Grandma smiled and looked at me.
“It doesn’t take stuff to make you happy. You could be happy living in a tent
outside.”
They moved
to Indiana in 1956 when Virgil got a job at the paper mill in Carthage. The
house they lived in didn’t have a bathroom, but they were able to drill a well
and put a bathroom in. They were also
able to get their first TV. They watched
a lot of westerners and shows like “The Wagon Trail” and “The Virginian.” Grandma said that the Sammy Terry show told
scary stories, and the kids always watched that. They also watched Hee Haw, Pat Boone, and Tennessee
Ernie Ford. Grandma still watches “Hee
Haw” every Sunday evening, and I get to watch it with her sometimes.
Their son
(and my dad) Hubert became a minister, and one day he asked Virgil if he had
given his life to Christ. Virgil said,
“Yes. If something ever happens to me, you can know that I’ve made my peace
with the Lord.” Then he told Hubert this
story: When Hubert was about 4 years
old, he was very sick with Rheumatic Fever. The doctor told Virgil and Carma
that he didn’t expect little Hubert to live. Hubert vaguely remembers being
sick in bed and his family members bringing him little gifts because they
thought he was going to die.
After
Virgil heard the bad news from the doctor, he went outside alone and walked across
the road to a game reserve. Carma was crying and sitting with Hubert—probably rocking
him, she said—and she knew that Virgil went out there to pray. He prayed to
God, “If you save my son, you can use his life for whatever you want.”
Grandma remembers that after that prayer,
Hubert started feeling better. She said,
“And that little booger got up right away and started playing. I guess he was
healed instantly of it. I took him back
to the doctor, and he said to me, ‘Mrs. Nolen, I can’t find anything wrong with
him now.’ The doctor thought he had been
wrong in his diagnosis.”
After Hubert heard that story, he said,
“Dad, you know the Lord took you up on your prayer!” He believes it is no
coincidence that he became a pastor and church planter.
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| Carma & Virgil at Hubert's wedding 1976 |
In 1977,
Virgil and Carma moved to the farmhouse where she lives now. It’s a good story: My dad and mom were newlyweds and lived in
that farmhouse as Dad ran the hog farm.
But then Dad felt that God was calling him into ministry. Dad wanted to go to bible college, but he
prayed to God about what he should do about the hog farm. God gave him the vision of his father sitting
by the fireplace in the farmhouse.
A few days
later, Grandma mentioned to my dad that they might want to move from the house
they were in. Then Dad asked them if
they wanted to live in the farmhouse and run the hog farm while he was in bible
college. So Grandma and Grandpa made the
decision to move to the farm in 1977.
I told
Grandma, “They always say that Grandpa liked the hogs.”
“Oh, yeah,
he liked them. He liked fooling with them.
He liked all the cats and dogs too.”
“What about
you?” I asked.
“I hated
the hog smell. I never went out around there.
Your grandpap wanted me to go out there and look. But hogs and chickens were two things I never
did like.” I think I understand because I never liked the hog smell either, but
we got used to it.
Thankfully—for
all those who didn’t enjoy the manure aroma—my dad sold all the hogs in 1991. Grandma said, “I was glad when those hogs
were gone.” My sisters and cousins and I
missed playing out in the barns around the pigs, but getting rid of the smell
really was worth it.
But I can’t
say the same thing about how I reacted when my parents burned the barns down a
few years after that. I was probably in
4th or 5th grade at the time, and I was angry with them
and yelled, “It’s because of people like you that we don’t have any old barns
anymore!” I was a bit dramatic and
started to cry as I watched the barn in flames, burning down on purpose. My
parents were tired of the barns and didn’t feel emotional about it like I
did. Aunt Patty was kind enough to give
me a hug as we stood there on the porch.
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| Our Barns |
In March
19, 1991, when Grandpa was only 65 years old, he passed away from a heart
attack. I was 3 years old when Grandpa
died. I was too young to remember him, but
I get to know him through the memories that my family members tell me.
I asked my
dad about him. He said, “Dad was simple,
and his word meant everything to him. He
would say, ‘If you don’t keep your word, you have nothing.’” My dad said that
Grandpa would leave an hour early for work every day—just in case he would have
car trouble—because he wanted to be sure to be on time for his job.
I asked my
older cousins and sisters to share with me some things they remember about
Grandpa. I laughed at the first thing
some of them said. It was a little joke
or game that Grandpa would do with the grandkids. Sara remembers that Grandpa would be silly
and pretend to choke the grandkids, which would make them giggle. Sara said, “Grandpa would say that he was
going to choke us and that Grandma was going to dig our tonsils out.” Justin remembers that Grandpa would tell them
he was going to nibble their ears off!
I’m not sure if this was a Kentuckian thing or a Nolen thing, but the
grandkids seemed to love it.
Michele
said, “Papaw was my favorite person in the world. He would always call me ‘Squirt.’ I loved all our trips to Kentucky and all the
hikes through the woods with his walking stick.
I remember when I lost my kite, he loaded me up in his old red truck (the
really old one) and drove the countryside to look for it for me. He made me
that rope swing that I played on everyday. I loved him more than words can
say!”
Steve also
remembers the old red truck. He said, “I used to love riding in his old red
truck and the smell of it.” Danny also
remembers riding in the truck with Grandpa and how Grandpa would let them ride
in the back of the truck. Grandpa would
drive slowly while the kids enjoyed riding in the truck bed.
Michele
said, “He would put his coffee in mason jars and wrap them in newspaper. And we always had a dozen glazed donuts.”
Steve
remembers that Grandpa usually wore brown or blue work pants and a t-shirt with
a pocket. Steve said, “He always enjoyed being outside, whether it was mowing
the yard or sitting out on the porch swing with a cup of coffee. I loved to
swing with him on the porch looking out over the fields.”
Kathy said
that Grandpa was a man of very few words, but he had a big heart and loved his
family. Steve said, “He was always good to
Granny, his kids and grandkids. I remember how he cared for and watched over
Pop.” (Pop was our
great-grandfather, and I could write a separate post just about Pop! J)
Sara also
said that he was a quiet man, but he would always let the grandkids go with him
wherever he went. He’d go out to the
barn with 6 or 7 grandkids following him. Steve said, “I remember walking out to the barns with
him—following behind him and walking in his footsteps, step for step. I
remember walking out to his orchard checking the trees and picking fruit. I
always enjoyed when he took us along to check the fields or to take a ride in
the combine or tractor. I loved it when he let me feed the hogs by myself.”
Lisa
remembers going with Grandpa to the farrowing house and clipping the piglets. Michele
also said, “Everyday I would get off the bus and would pray Granny would let me
go with Papaw to the farrowing house to clip the teeth and tails off the
piglets.”
Rachel
remembers that Grandpa loved the barn animals and always had his own names for
them. Rachel said, “He had that ferret
that we all called Stinky, but Grandpa called Billy.” She also said that
Grandpa had a cat that he always called Tom…until Tom had kittens! Then he
called that cat “Thomasina.”
Shari said,
“That same cat would jump on Grandpa’s shoulder as he passed the little white
barn on his way out to the pigs. ‘Tom’ would ride with Grandpa to the barn and
hang out with him while he did his chores.
After Grandpa passed away, Dad was walking past the white barn in his
overalls—looking an awful lot like Grandpa—and Tom jumped on his shoulder. Dad was startled, and the cat didn’t get the
same treatment that Grandpa had given it.”
Then Shari added, “I think maybe I got my love for cats from Grandpa.”
Rachel said,
“I can still see him in his overalls walking under the clothesline, coming in
from the barn for lunch. Grandpa would
eat those little Vienna sausages from a can, which I thought was really gross!
But he would share his Fig Newtons with me, and I still eat them today and
think of him.”
Kathy said,
“He would always come in from the barn and take his boots off at the door and
walk around in his sock feet. I always that was neat for some reason—I guess I
thought only kids walked around in their sock feet!”
Lisa said
she remembers after meals, Grandpa would mix butter and jelly together to eat
with his roll. Everybody remember how
much jelly and butter he would put on his rolls.
Kathy said,
“Granny always made his favorite lemon cake with the sugary glazed icing. It was
a staple for dessert!
Steve said,
“I remember how I wanted to be like him, so I sat at the kitchen table and ate
liver and onions with him. Also, he always wore his toboggan high on his head,
and I wondered why he didn’t pull it over his ears, but I started wearing mine
that way too.”
Danny
remembers that he would give them cookies out of the jar. He remembers Grandpa
making Keegan—who was only about 4 years old at the time—peanut butter
sandwiches, but he made the sandwiches so thick. He scooped up the peanut butter and slabbed
it on in big chunks instead of spreading it. Danny said, “But Keeg was a big
eater even then, and he would choke it down like an anaconda. Every time Keegan
would come over, Papaw would make it for him.”
Danny also
remembers that Grandpa would mix all his food together in a big glob and eat
it. He said, “The funny thing is that I find myself doing that today and think,
That’s how Papaw used to do it.”
Sara
remembers that Grandpa had a huge garden.
The year he died, he had grown and snapped so many green beans that they
canned; Grandma said that those canned green beans lasted for about 3 years.
All the
grandkids remembered how Grandpa kept peppermint candy in his silver pig candy
dish by his recliner, and he would always offer them a piece. Sara also remembers his butterscotch candy. Sara remembers seeing Grandpa sitting in his
chair, listening to Hubert’s sermons that he would be bring on cassette tapes.
Lisa
remembers sitting with him in his chair.
Steve said, “I remember sitting in his chair with him and watching
wrestling.” I chuckled because I was
surprised to hear that Grandpa would often watch professional wrestling, but
Danny also remembers him watching pro wrestling with Pop. My dad remembers that his favorite wrestler
was Dick the Bruiser!
Michele
remembers watching TV with him on Friday nights. She said, “We watched Hee Haw
and Dukes of Hazard every Friday night, and Papaw would laugh and laugh.”
Shari said,
“I was just telling my son Eli the other day when he needed to get a splinter
dug out, how one time I told my grandpa about a splinter I had. Grandpa took me to the bathroom, washed my
hand, and then pulled out his pocketknife, which at the time looked like a
butcher’s knife to me! He proceeded to dig that splinter out, and I was too
afraid to whine or squirm! I’m sure Grandpa thought I was one tough girl!”
Danny said
that JR reminds him so much of Grandpa. Luke
said that if you know JR, then you know Grandpa Nolen. Luke said that Grandpa had a huge heart and a
big personality, and Grandpa taught him about working hard. Luke said, “He once
made me cut down horseweeds on the southwest corner of the old barn with a
little pocketknife that was dull. Now as I look back, I think the lesson that
he taught me was the value of doing something with almost nothing and to not be
afraid of hard work.”
Luke also
said, “On another occasion, I filled his gas tank on his truck with trash,
dirt, wires, etc. When Dad pulled the tank off the truck, he said, ‘How in the
world did all this get in here?’ Grandpa just smiled and said, ‘I have no
idea’—never giving up the guilty party that he watched do it with his own
eyes…. I miss him very much.”
Danny said
that he doesn’t remember Grandpa ever raising his voice. Steve remembers one story that left a big
impression on him. Steve said, “Dad told me that he once borrowed Grandpa’s
truck, and then he lost the keys to the truck in the river after their boat
turned over. Dad was worried about calling Grandpa to tell him about losing the
keys. He expected to get yelled at, but then was surprised that it really
didn’t bother him. Grandpa just brought him the spare set like it wasn’t a big
deal. My dad was so relieved.”
Steve also remembers how Grandpa gave a guy
one of his best hogs. The man couldn’t
afford it, but Grandap was there to help, and it made a huge impression on that
man. Danny also said, “If anybody needed
anything, he was there.” Steve added, “Even though Grandpa was small in
stature, he was a big man with a lot of heart, and it was easy to love and
respect him.”
Rachel
said, “As a young kid, it was a little hard for me to understand Grandpa and
his thick Kentuckian drawl. I can
remember looking at my dad some for translation. But I did understand how much
he loved Grand, his kids, and grandkids, and how he would hug and tickle us!”
I loved
hearing what my cousins and sisters shared with me about my grandpa, and I
teared up as I wove these stories together because I wish I could have Grandpa in
my life now. But these memories of
Grandpa and Grandma’s love—and her quilt—keep me warm and make me feel so thankful. J
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| Christmas with Grandma! |
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