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| I now have LIGHTS! |
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| Other angle |
In August 2013 I bought a bedspread. Because listen, I was distraught.
I rarely buy things that I know I won’t need for awhile.
What if I change my mind or won’t need the item after all? Also, where am I supposed to store all these
things that I will supposedly need one day?
But apparently on that day in August 2013, I was struggling
with the wait. It had taken me so long
to decide to buy land, and then the planning process for building seemed to be
spinning me in circles and getting me nowhere.
I was trying to make decisions, but I couldn’t see anything tangible
come from it.
Then one night I was browsing furniture and home décor
online. I was weary of making empty decisions, and I landed on the page for
bedspreads. I am a cautious and
practical person, but that night I was more than ready to be an impulsive buyer.
I
will definitely need a bedspread. I’m
picking one out! …Something country and not too bright.
I found one that I loved and typed in my credit card
number.
Two weeks later, that bedspread showed up on our porch. I got it out of the box and ran my fingers
over the stitching. I loved it like it was my favorite pet. I showed my mom. Then I showed my nieces. Then I showed my sister. Then when my coworker Amy asked me how things
were going with the house plans, I was happy to tell her, “Oh, I’m doing much better
now that I bought my bedspread.”
I don’t know if I can explain it or recommend it. I just
know that after I had one decision in my hands and marked off the list, I felt
like I could breathe easier.
That was over a year ago, and besides 2 little paintings,
that bedspread is the only thing that I have bought for my home. This is partly
because I kind of freak every time I pay my bank and contractor, so I don’t
feel like buying anything else. It’s
also because people have been so generous in giving me some great secondhand
items, and why buy more stuff until I actually have a house to put it in? Only
one thing at a time, please. Let’s not worry about tomorrow.
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| We celebrated Dad's birthday in Kansas last week! |
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| Kami & Eli were proud because they helped make their Pappy's birthday cake. :) |
Last week I was in Kansas visiting my sister Shari’s
family. One afternoon we watched a movie
with my 6-year-old niece Kami and 4-year-old nephew Eli. The movie was set in Egypt, and after it was
over, Kami asked me to tell her a story about Egypt. I started with Moses and the Israelites
enslaved in Egypt. I told the story of how God delivered the people out of
slavery, parted the Red Sea, and led them through the desert with a cloud by
day and fire by night.
“And then the people were hungry because there were no grocery
stores or restaurants in the desert, and they didn’t know where they would find
enough food for everyone.”[1]
Kami’s eyes lit up and she yelled out, “I know what happens
next! God rained down bread from heaven!”
“You’re right. God gave them bread every morning, and there
was plenty for everyone. Some people
wanted to sneak piles of bread and hide them because they thought, What if God doesn’t give us bread tomorrow?
What if He forgets or He just decides He doesn’t care about us anymore? Or what
if He runs out of bread? Some of
these people hoarded the bread because they didn’t trust God to provide for
tomorrow. But God told them not to do
this because He wanted them to trust Him.
And the bread that was hoarded ended up getting smelly with bugs
overnight, so it wasn’t any good the next day.
But God kept sending bread each morning.”
Both Kami and Eli had their mouths open and eyes wide. Kami wanted me to keep going and tell her
what happened next. Eli stopped and said
he just wanted a normal story! (He prefers
stories with sharks and dinosaurs and snakes.)
As I continued to tell them more about the Israelites in the
desert and how God provided for them, I thought of how earlier that morning God
had brought the verse Philippians 4:19 to my mind. “And my God will meet all
your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”
Earlier that week I had received an email about an extra
expense with my house. This extra
expense is on top of the extra expense that came up last week and the extra
expense that came up the week before.
Boo for extra expenses. Boo for
using money that I would have used on buying furniture to pay for gravel. Boo for using the money I wanted to spend on
a plane ticket to visit a friend to pay for materials required by a new federal
regulation for septic systems. Boo for things not going the way I expected.
I was talking to a few of my [older] friends last week and told
them that one major hope I have with finally getting into my house simply
includes less surprise attacks on my bank account. But they smiled knowingly and told me not to
hold my breath, not to expect financial smooth sailing, not to think there will
ever be a time when something doesn’t break or burst or burn.
And speaking of things breaking and bursting and burning, oh my goodness, my car. She’s
11 years old and has 187,000 miles. I’ve had this car for almost 6 years, and I
think almost every mechanic in a 30-mile radius has worked on it. I may not
know much about home ownership, but I do know what it’s like to have car
trouble about every other month.
One example: Last
year my friend Erin and I were coming home from a little backyard concert when
I remembered I needed to buy a card for the next day. So at 10:30pm, we stopped at CVS. I bought the card, and then
put my car in reverse to back out of my parking space. I heard a noise—gave an Erin an ugh, what was that? look—and then kept
going. My car makes weird noises all the
time, so I hoped that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Then I pulled out of the parking lot, and as
I turned left, my car halted to a stop in the middle of the road. Of course, without
thinking it through, I immediately pushed harder on the gas pedal, and my tires
squealed. The car wouldn’t move. I hung my head and glared at my steering wheel.
Erin, however, was rational as always. “Turn on your
blinkers!” It was dark, and cars were coming up behind us.
I turned on my blinkers, then sighed and rolled my
eyes. I was tired and mad that I
couldn’t just go home. I was already wondering how much money it would take to
fix my car.
Erin looked at me, not impressed that I wasn’t springing
into action. “Your dad or mine?! Are we
going to call your dad or mine?”
I half-laughed and pulled out my phone. “It’s not your dad’s
problem.”
I called my dad, and we remembered that my brother-in-law
Brandon was on shift at the local fire department. As we waited for Brandon to
get there, I turned to Erin and said, “Sorry you have to be here stranded on
the road in my piece-of-junk car at 11 o’clock at night, but I’m glad you’re
here with me.”
“Me too,” she said. (Aw, what a pal.)
Brandon was able to get to us in about 15 minutes. He saw
that the problem was my tire rod, and I would need to get my car towed.
Awesome. Brandon let Erin and I sit in his truck while we watched the tow truck
guy (who was not prince charming like we joked he might be) get my car hooked
up. Brandon helped us laugh about the incident as he drove us to Erin’s car.
Eight days later and $700 poorer, I got my car back.
Over the last few years, I have learned something about
myself: I despise car trouble. Every time my car broke down, I would get
flustered and angry and slump into the worst version of myself. I finally
wondered, Why do I act like a jerk
whenever I have car trouble? But now I’m wondering if my car trouble was
just preparing me to not be so emotionally attached to my bank account. If I’m
telling the truth here, I need to admit that sometimes I love my bank account
because it means that I’ll be okay not just today, but also tomorrow. And I can’t even type that sentence without
grimacing at how wrong it is. Even
though it is natural—because I can see
the numbers in my bank statement, and I can see
the green dollar bills in my hand, but I can’t see God—I still cannot let myself harbor a love for my bank
account. I know that no one can serve both God and money.[2]
Honestly, it’s an answered prayer that my car is still
running. Every time I hear an unbecoming
noise from my car, I pat the dashboard and pray that God will help it keep
going a little longer. I’d so like to
get a nicer car that doesn’t break down every other month and preferably has
air conditioning. So when I get emails
about extra expenses for my house, I also think about my car. Boo for spending the money I was going to
spend on a new-to-me car on the house that is vacuuming up any cash it can
find.
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| Not only do I have lights in my bathroom, but I also now have a toilet! |
But’s that more than enough venting/complaining/booing. Because guess what?
1. I have more than enough to survive. I not only ate 3 meals today, but also snacks. I had more than enough clothes to choose from when I
picked out my outfit this morning. I had
more than enough shampoo in my shower and more than enough chocolate syrup on
my ice cream.
2. As much as I’d like to be self-sufficient in every way
possible, I’m just a girl who is dependent on her God to provide for her every
need. Every time I think I don’t need
help from anyone, I get stranded on the road and have to call for help. And every time, my God provides.
It’s a scary thing to trust God more than I trust my bank
account. It’s a scary thing to trust God
with tomorrow when the bill comes in the mail today. If you had been able to read my worried
thoughts this past week, you would have seen thought bubbles of money, money, money, tomorrow.
But my niece Kami can tell you that our God is the God who
rains down our daily bread from heaven. When God’s people were in the desert thousands
of years ago, God told them, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The
people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day…. No one is to keep any of it until morning”
(Exodus, 16:4, 19). The story goes on…“However, some of them paid no attention
to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and
began to smell. So Moses was angry with them. [But] each morning everyone
gathered as much as he needed” (Exodus 16:20-21).
So often I’m pulling my hair out like the Israelites,
crying, “Ahhh, what if God doesn’t give us bread tomorrow?!!”
But my God’s mercies are new every morning.[3] Do I really want to hoard all of His
provision from today without trusting Him to rain down provision tomorrow? Guys,
this is real (as you already know from life experience). My construction manager
emailed me this week to tell me that when they drilled my well, they didn’t hit
water. My dad and my brother-in-law said
they have never heard of this happening.
This means they have to drill again in another spot, so I will likely
have to pay double what I was planning to pay for the well. And my mind races, money, money, money, tomorrow.
Sigh.
The same day I got the email about the well, I also read
Matthew 6:25-34. Jesus told his followers, “Look at the birds of the air; they
do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds
them. Are you not much more valuable than they? …Do not worry about tomorrow, for
tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”
(Matthew 6:26, 34).
Today is what I can see; tomorrow is the unseen, the
unknown, the uncertain.
Tomorrow is also October.
October is move-in month.
When I got the sad-bad news about my well and started doing
the math in my head, I thought, oh my, am
I even going to have any cash left to buy a bed? I can live without kitchen
barstools for a few months, but I’d really like to have a bed.
Thankfully, my sister and brother-in-law have planned to
give me their couches and dining table, but I didn’t yet have a bed. With only 2 or 3 weeks left before moving in, the bed is really the only thing left that I cared about.
Then the next day I got a text from my friend Sarah. In her
text, she offered me several furniture items that she’s getting rid of, and
that includes a bed and a dresser.
Praise God! The Lord provides! My pretty bedspread and I now
have a bed!
Just another confirmation that God’s mercies and provisions
are new each morning, each tomorrow. #seeingtheunseen
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| This picture looks like HOME to me. :) |
